The Plan

This trip to India is something special between me and my God. If you haven't known me all my life, you may not know its significance. I need to tell you a story.


I was 4 or 5 years old. I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor listening to my Mission Friends' teacher tell me about people who went to share Jesus in far off places. I also remember thinking, "that's what I wanna do."

I really never wanted to be anything else. That was the plan. Every detail was covered. It was perfect. The trouble was, I wasn't perfect. The plan derailed. For a long time, I felt like I failed. Poor God, He would have to pick up the pieces and manage with the mess I made. I began to lead an apologetic life. Everything I did for Him was to say, "I'm sorry. This isn't what I really wanted to give you. I should have done better." Sadly, I carried this for a long time.

But, some time ago I realized that it had been MY plan, not HIS. I had wanted to give Him what I thought was best, and that wasn't necessarily what He wanted. Even though I had made mistakes, I wasn't the one in control. He was. My life was not a mess and I was doing what I told God I would do. I was just doing it in a totally different place and with a totally different title over my name than I had planned. Jesus paid for my sin. I didn't have to keep carrying false guilt around. God wasn't condemning me. I was condemning myself.

Plans aren't all bad. They just become bad when we get caught up in carrying them out and not focusing on Who they were intended to please. The most important thing was that when I was seven, I began to love Him. I gave Him my life back then. It did not matter what my life became as long as it was His.

I started to see my life as the beautiful blessing that it is. It is not second rate. My marriage, my family, and my vocation are all wonderful gifts. All of which, I would have never had with "the plan". The life I never thought I would lead is not only okay with Him, it is what He wants for me.

If you are wondering how this ties to India, hang on. I'm getting there.

You see, I once thought my life would be a foreign mission trip. I have watched others go and I longed to go with them. It just was not time for me. Now it was my turn. He was allowing me to go. I would get to share the love He has so graciously given me with those precious children. He was using my training as a nurse to help them.

On our third day there, I awoke at 4 in the morning. I couldn't sleep for praising Him. After I had worshipped Him a while, I pictured myself crawling up in His lap, wrapping my arms around Him, burying my tear-stained face in His neck and whispering in His ear, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He was holding me and loving me back. That day, each time I held a child, I felt His arms around us both.

Now that I am home, I am excited to share what God is doing through Emmanuel Ministries and hope to encourage others to spend some of their time, money and resources to help them. I want to go back soon. I hope that God allows me that. But I have also learned that if I never leave my community again, my offering of time and service here is a good one. It isn't second best.