The Kids Are At It Again.....

I was folding clothes when I heard this conversation:

Tess: Ty! What are you doing?

Ty: My leg is bleeding. I fell.

Tess: That's a lot of blood!

Ty: I know. I need a band-aid.

Tess: Well, Ty, you are going to have to go bleed somewhere else. I have to get over there.

We may have to review the Good Samaritan.

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We took Cole, my nephew, out with us for Ty's birthday. I always enjoy having him around. He just blends in and is like one of my own. He must have been given some good sports information this week. He wanted to share with us.

Cole: I love the 39er's.

Me: The 39er's?

Cole: Yeah, they have that great running back, umm "What's-his-name".

Me: "What's-his-name"?

Ty: Yeah, "What's-his-name" is AWESOME!

After we clarified the fact that he was talking about the 49er's and that the NFL didn't have a new team, Eric filled us in and told us that the running back's name is Anthony Dixon.

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ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Introduction

I want to let you know about my new blog "Anna Becoming" (Click here or use this address: http://www.annabecoming.blogspot.com/ ) Its first entry will explain why I started a new one. I will keep you posted if I decide to close Anna's Notes.

At the risk of sounding like the old Bartles and James commercial,

"Thank you for your support."

Yes, I remember that commercial. Two old guys, one never spoke. No, I have never purchased Bartles and James products.

Anna

Travel Stories

Today we had the privilege of picking my mom up at the Memphis airport after her flight home from New York. She has been traveling a lot lately. She recently went on a trip to Italy. Sometimes it is hard for the kids to keep up with where she is going to and coming from.

Tess was in the bathroom with me this morning while we were doing our hair. She said, "Where has Nana been? Paris or France?"

I am glad school is starting. Maybe there will be a geography class.

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I took all of the girls with me to pick Mom up. Ty was with his granddad and Eric was mowing. I thought it would be good to have another "girl day" before they start school again. It would be fun.

Before we left Corinth this morning, Amelia was already asking, "Are we there yet?" I tried to explain to her that it would take a long time. I encouraged her to play with the toys she brought along. It didn't help. Almost every 15 minutes she needed to know, "How much longer?"
When we were almost at the airport, I told her we were getting really close.

She grabbed her arm rests, threw her head back and said, "AAHHHHH! I wish I had stayed with Papa. This is taking for-ev-er!"

I said, "Oh, but we are having such a good time!"

She said, "No we're not! WE ARE TRAPPED IN THIS CAR!!!!"

Well that made Tess and I laugh. That made Mimi laugh. We made it out of the car. We weren't trapped and she is okay.

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When we get close to the airport, I try to watch out for planes so I can point them out to the kids. I spotted one and said, "Look at the airplane!", and pointed it out to Tess.

She looked up, smiled and said, "OOOOOOOHHHHH".

A few seconds passed and she turned to me and said, "I really don't see it."

She was faking wonder for her mother. She is a kind kid.

Bonus Points

Last evening my kids participated in a Challenger soccer camp (plug for my step-dad's company). They had a great time. We were a little anxious about having so many ages (4-12 year-olds) on the same field at the same time. Nikki(sp?), their coach did a great job though of managing all of them. The kids looked engaged and happy the whole time.

I was really impressed to see the older kids looking after the younger ones. As a parent of one of the smallest players, I was particularly touched to see big old boys stop play to let my Mimi kick the ball during the practice game. Big sister, Tess, always grabbed Mimi's hand to run to where the coach directed them. I saw another player, reach down and help a little one stand after they had fallen.

When the kids got home, I made a point to praise Ty and Tess for being so thoughtful and taking care of their little sis and her friends. Tess said, "Oh, Momma, Nikki said we get extra points if we are nice to the little ones." This deflated some of the pride I was feeling about how good my children were. But, all in all, I am glad they were nice, even if it was for points. (Still not for certain about what the points are for...)

Nikki made it seem so easy. Just give them bonus points. They got rewarded for doing what they should have done anyway. But this way, the big kids felt good about the points, Nikki felt good because they minded, and the little kids felt good because they didn't get run over by a faster-than-lightning 12 year-old. The whole team wins.

Nikki taught them more about the team effort when they were playing a practice game. In soccer the kids have a tendency to clump around the ball during a game. Everyone wants to be a part of the action. It is hard for them to learn to stay in their position. When they learn that, there are players all over the field and that helps the team. Nikki helped them with this by yelling , "Banana!" every time they crowded together. This was their signal to yell, "Split!" and break up over the field. That way every spot is covered.

This got me to thinking about how great the world would be if we acted like those kids did last night. What great things might happen if we stepped back and let someone else take a good shot at success every once in a while instead of pushing and shoving to get our chance? How much better the world would be if the older, wiser ones grabbed a younger one's hand and helped them navigate rough terrain? What if we all stopped running and slowed down to help someone who had fallen and was down in life? Further still, what if we split up so the whole field is covered? You do your part with your talents and I'll do mine and we will work until the job is done.

So...Ready! Set! GO! Banana! Split! Bonus Points!!!!!

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"Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy." Matt 5:7

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust detroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

For more of my sports analogy, how to play fair, and bonus points, have a gander at these:

Matthew 28:19-20
Matthew 25:34-40
I Corinthians 9:24-27
Romans 12:9-21
II Timothy 4:8
Revelation 4:9-11.

A Dozen Years

It is now after midnight so my 12th anniversary was yesterday. We had a great day and were able to, thanks to some very special people, able to go out ALONE to Florence. We ate at Dale's, one of our favorites, went shopping at Target, and the mall. We finished up the evening at Krispy Kreme getting donuts and coffee. It was a lovely evening spent with a dear man. We even got to hold hands without someone behind us saying, "Ewww! Stop that!"

I spent the whole day thinking more than usual about how blessed I am and how thankful I am to have Eric in my life. We weren't always so happy and had to struggle for a long time. The joy is greater now, I think, because we can compare it to those difficult times. Our marriage is a testimony of how God can turn a man-made mess around into something beautiful. What we would have missed if we had given up!

A thank you to the Jefcoats for loving on our older children and to the Lewises for holding our small one. It is much easier to have a good time when you know that your dear ones are taken care of  so well and you know that they are happy.

A little dizzy with love,
Anna

New Beginnings

I have been tardy in saying my thank you for all of the gifts of thoughts, prayer, and messages surrounding our sweet Dinah’s birth. They all meant so much to us and helped us through a difficult situation. I feel as if I have been on a journey, One that began when I started praying for another child a couple of years ago and came to an end when I held her in my arms. Now is a new beginning.

With each of my infant children, as I have held their tiny bodies in the middle of the night, there was a time when I became overcome with a feeling of sheer panic. This is the usual pattern of my racing thoughts:

“This small thing depends on us. For EVERYTHING! They are going to learn how to act from me! I need time to change! I am not good enough to be in charge of a life! There are so many horrible things in this world. How are we going to protect them from them all? If I think it is bad now, what is it going to be like when they grow up? I can’t get them to brush their teeth twice a day. How am I going to get them to be good citizens? ”

Usually, after I give God an earful of mental ranting, He sends pieces of His word to my mind, calming me and assuring me that He has it covered. I don’t have to be perfect to have a baby or raise children. If we did, we would be extinct. He says like, “I love them too,” and “You don’t have to do this by yourself. I need you to ask me” and simply, “trust me”.

If we all thought about it a whole lot, why would anyone want to bring a child into a world that has nuclear weapons, Jihad, and people like James Van der Sloot? A world where God is slowly being inched out? Fear could keep us from enjoying one of God’s greatest blessings. But, I think that this overwhelming sense of urgency has its purpose. I do not think God wants me to be afraid. I think He wants this feeling to inspire action.

I guess people looking at our family from the outside would say that if we didn’t have a great Christian home, we would at least have a pretty good one compared to the next family. But no matter if what they observe is true, if I compare our lives to the one outlined for me in God’s word, we fall desperately short.

How did this happen? I have good intentions, but sadly, I am pretty lazy. It is easy to skip the Bible lesson at home because I took them to church that morning. We are pretty tired and need to get the kids to bed as soon as possible for us to get some quiet time, so let’s skip family prayer tonight. Then, it just slides away all together. I get so caught up in trying to get them to quit fighting with one another, I just tell them to do it because I told them so. I neglect to show them the scripture about why they shouldn’t do it. They yell at one another because I yell at them. I haven’t practiced love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and least of all self-control. How will they ever learn these precepts if I can’t learn them?

So, I see the problems. I realize where we fall short. Now, we resolve to begin again. Hopefully and prayerfully, we’ll do better this time than the last. I love church and bible class, but they are not solely responsible for our children’s biblical education, that’s our job. Outside the church, in our home, at school and at play, is where we can show them where what we say we believe is true. God is relevant. His word is true and applicable to us. Prayer is necessary. Without Him we are nothing.

I don’t want my children to grow up thinking God was an optional, recreational activity. I want them to love Him, need Him, serve Him, and honor Him all the days of their lives. If He is woven in their fabric they can shed Him off as if He was a covering. He will be a part of them, never to be torn away.

My favorite moment in the book, Little Women, is where Jo asks Marmee if she has plans for her daughters like other mothers do. Marmee says,

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good; to be admired, loved and respected; to have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married, and to lead useful, pleasant lives, with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”

She goes on to say,

“My dear girls, I am ambitious for you, but not to have you make a dash in the world—marry rich men merely because they are rich, or have splendid houses, which are not homes because love is wanting. Money is a needful and precious thing—and, when well used, a noble thing—but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I’d rather see you poor men’s wives, if you were happy, beloved contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace.”

I have always loved it because even though those around them sought wealth and prominence, Marmee was teaching them that it was worthless without love and peace.

I have hopes for my children too. So, in a world that values profit above people, self above others, what feels good over what is right, I earnestly want to teach my children differently. I want Jesus to be their hero.

Thank you, God, for new beginnings.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them….” Psalm 127:3-5a

Sibling Stories

The kids are enjoying their new sister. Our lives have changed but it is for the better. The kids are having to take on new roles and are learning to be great helpers. As always, they have had some funny reactions to life. Here are a few of them:

Amelia has done really well adjusting to Dinah's arrival. She has only known being the baby for the past 4 years and has a few moments when she feels like she isn't as special anymore. We try to give her extra time and let her know how important she is. Most of the time though she is kissing and hugging her sister and learning all about babies. She has had some interesting questions and observations.

The day after we brought Dinah home, Amelia went with me to get Dinah because she was crying. Amelia asked me why she was crying. I told her that she was hungry. Amelia asked, "Is this her lunch?"

I replied, "Yes."

"What is she going to eat?" Amelia inquired further.

"She is going to drink milk," I answered.

Amelia wrinkled her nose and forehead and exclaimed, "But that's what she had for breakfast!"

When I explained that she would only drink milk for a long time, she understood but she thought that was pretty boring.

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One evening after one of our kind friends brought us supper, Ty
came into the kitchen to eat. Ty asked, "Momma, why are people bringing us stuff to eat?"

I explained that having a new baby makes the momma very busy and sometimes she is tired, so if she is fortunate, her friends and family try to help her out.

Ty smiled and shouted, "Yes! This is going to be a great summmer, Momma!"

He was a little upset when I explained that the food would only come for a week or so.

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Tess is a little momma at heart and she has loved having a baby to love on.
She helps me get things, changes diapers, and sings to the baby. The thing she loves best is holding Dinah.

Whenever I need to do something, I set her up with the baby propped up with lots of pillows. One morning, she held the baby on my bed while I was getting ready in the bathroom. She and Amelia sat on the bed talking while I put my make-up on. After a few moments, this is what I over heard:

Tess said, "Okay, Amelia, when I say, 'Dinah!', you say, 'Awesome!'"

Tess, "DINAH!"

Amelia, "AWESOME!"

Tess, "DINAH!"

Amelia, "AWESOME!"

They sat there on the bed, holding their sister, and cheering for her for a few minutes like she was a basketball team. I want to record all of this so that when Dinah is eight and they are twelve and sixteen, and she is getting on their nerves, that they can remember how much they loved her and fought over her time.

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Dinah is a trooper and has been very tolerant of her loving brother and sisters. It will be exciting to see her in a few months when she can love them back.

Lancaster Prayer Request

I am coming once again to ask you to pray for me. I am so grateful to have you dear people in my life, people who do not mind listening to me and going to God on my behalf. If you would, could you take a minute and read what has poured from my heart and mind to this page and then give the time you feel led to give?

I am still here waiting on Dinah to arrive. Dr. Young will induce labor on Friday, May 21st, if I do not go into labor on my own before that day. Because that is less than a week away, I guess I finally realize that I will not be pregnant forever. As most of you know because I shared in the beginning, this pregnancy has been like none other of mine, filled with questions, uncertainties, and difficulties. When I asked God for another baby, I had no idea how He would use it to heal hurts I didn’t know I had, how He would lead me to a deeper level of trust, and teach me things I don’t think I would have learned any other way. We have now made it to the home stretch and she gives us no sign of being anything other than a strong, healthy, little girl. I praise God for carrying me this far because I could not have walked or crawled here on my own.

With nothing other than good news, why would I need to ask you to pray in any other way than praise? A few days ago, I began to cry. It came from nowhere. I was alone in my room and had begun to think about going to the hospital to deliver. Sobs racked my body and I began to shake. Fear seemed to consume my being. My mind was a series of flashes, with mental pictures of our last delivery lined up against visions of what might come. How can we do this? We have to go back to the same place and be in a room that will probably look just like the one we delivered in last time. I don’t want her delivery to be plagued by my sadness. I want only joy in that room and I don’t know how that can happen.

I would say that I don’t fear that anything is wrong or that she might die too, but as I looked back over the previous days, I think that it is there despite evidence to the contrary. I have not begun to prepare for her arrival like I normally would. After my kind friends at work gave us a baby shower, I took the clothes home and left them in their bags. I had to make myself take the tags off and wash them. As I folded them I remembered sitting in a chair in the living room folding Jack’s things and ooh-ing and ahh-ing over them with the children. I folded Dinah’s clothes with trembling fingers and tears in my eyes.

And there, in my room, as I cried as I only had a few times in my life, I did as I always do and had an argument with myself. I tried to reason what I knew against what I felt. The God, who sent His Holy Spirit to the room where I delivered my stillborn son, can certainly send Him to this delivery room. He, who gave me peace instead of hysteria, can give me the same this time. He, who would send the song “How Great is Our God” to my lips as we held his lifeless body, would give me a new song for this baby. As I asked, “How?”, He replied, “in ME.”

So after I could get myself together and spent the next twelve hours struggling with this, I have calmed and am feeling better. Even as I write, Dinah kicks so hard against me, my whole body moves. But even though I do not doubt God, I do doubt myself. So I am asking that you would pray that this new calm would stay with me. I ask that you pray that I my actions and feelings would reflect the trust that I say I have.

Would you pray for my doctor, Dr. Young, and the nurses that have me when we deliver? As a healthcare worker, I know that it is sometimes difficult to care for special situations. Would you pray for Eric as he stands by my side? Would you pray for Ty, Tess, and Amelia? Would you pray for Dinah?

Would you pray against the fear that has no place in my heart or in that room? Would you tell the Evil One that he is not welcome here?

I don’t want false reassurances that “everything will be alright”, because it might not be. Eric and I have met no quota on pain. But I do need to have the assurance that whatever happens, God will bring us through it as He has before. Thank you in advance for spending time lifting our family up to Him. When this time has passed, we will be able to praise Him together and give Him the glory for what He has done.

Again God has given me a song for this walk and it is one I didn’t expect. I have not sung it in church since my teen years, but I sang it so much in my childhood, its words are forever on my heart.


Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain:

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

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Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica

The Lancaster Comedy Club

Our house is a regular laugh factory and I wanted to share.
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I came in late this evening because I had to go to town. When I arrived home I was pleased that Eric had already started the kids on their baths. Amelia was upstairs and was putting on her pajamas. I went up with Tess to get her started and to blow dry Amelia's hair. I began to comb her hair and noticed that the ends weren't dry but that her roots were.

I asked, "Amelia, did you wash your hair?"

She just stared at me (I believe pondering whether or not she should tell the truth because she might get in trouble). "I took a bubble bath, Momma!"

So, I asked again, "Amelia did you forget to wash your hair?"

She nodded her head. I told her that I would wash it in the morning.

She seemed relieved that I didn't get upset. She began to confess.

"I forgot to wash a lot of things. (Pause) I forgot to wash my whole body. (Pause) BUT, I washed my feet!"

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Tess has been really concerned lately with making money. She is constantly dreaming up new ways to earn a buck or two. She has been offering her cleaning services to anyone who will have her for $5. All I have to do is to drive her around the county to the jobs. I guess I am the one paying for the gas.

She was sitting at the table over a notebook the other day. I asked her what she was up to. She said, "I am designing things to sell in Aunt Emmy's store."

I pondered this. After Emily started knitting, Tess thinks that whatever she needs clothing-wise that Aunt Emmy can knit-up with a few clicks of the needle. Because of this, I assumed that she was referring to Emily selling some of her knitting. I said, "Aunt Emmy doesn't have a store, she just takes orders and makes what she needs to from home."

Tess replied, "I know, but they are building a store. Uncle Jason said so."

"Where?" I queried.

"At their house." she replied matter of factly.

It then dawned on me. "Tess, are you talking about Uncle Jason's shop?"

She nodded. "I can't wait to sell stuff." She grinned and she started working on her designs again.

I was sorry that I had to explain to her that the shop would be a place for Uncle Jason to keep his tools and the boat so that it wasn't outside.

She understood and wasn't too disappointed. She just said, "OOHHHH." and begain to work again.

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Just in case you missed my status post...

Ty came home from church holding a marigold planted in a styrofoam cup.

I said, "Is that for me?"

He hid it quickly behind his back and said, "No." He started rocking on his feet and looking skyward with his big brown eyes.

I asked, "Why does it say 'Mom' on the side of the cup?"

He grinned at me and said, "That's my nickname at church." And ran into the house.

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Last weekend, Eric's nephew got married. Both of the girls were in the wedding. Eric had a ballgame in Tupelo so Ty had to endure the wedding rehearsal even though he wasn't in the wedding party.

After rehearsal began, Ty leaned up and asked where the bathroom was. I asked him if something was wrong because I knew that he had just gone to the bathroom. He grinned and said, "I've got to get some tissue. I am an emotional wreck," making fun of the mommas who were running around crazy.

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Amelia was so excited about be in the wedding. She felt like a princess in her new white dress. As we were getting ready to go to the church for rehearsal, she asked, "Are we going to the wedding try-outs? I hope I do good, Momma."

I was glad to explain that she didn't have to try out, just practice, because she had already made the cut.

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Amelia has been really helpful to me lately. She has so much energy and I have so little, I just try to harness hers. I send her upstairs for things and have her pick things up for me.

At her school, her work from the day is always on the floor underneath her name. One afternoon when I was picking her up I said, "Amelia will you please pick those up for Momma? You are such a big help to me."

She said, "Yeah, Momma, I have to help you because if you get down there you may never get up!"

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Thanks for humoring me by listening to my kid stories.

Dr. Pepper Smiles

This morning I braved Wal-Mart for much needed groceries. After I filled my cart to the brim and checked out, I stepped out into the sunshine and prepared to go to the car. As I exited the doors, I had to stop before I could venture across the crosswalk. In front of me stood 5 pleasantly plump, perfectly coiffed grey-haired ladies. With carts full of giant cases of Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper (not another thing--just Dr. Peppers), they were in an animated conversation about where they had parked their vehicle.

I never heard any names but I am sure at least one of them was Rose and another named Betty. (They just looked like ladies that would be named Rose or Betty.)

One was pointing into the distance and said, "I thought we parked over there."

Another stated, "No, I am sure it was row number 7."

One piped up, "Isn't that it over there?"

Because they looked like very smart women and there weren't that many cars in the parking lot, I felt confident they probably could find it without my help, so I smiled and went around them and went to my van.

I opened the back and began to unload. I looked up and here the ladies came. It was row number 7. They pushed their Dr. Peppers in front of them and smiled at me. One of them stopped and asked me, "Ma'am, do you need any help?"

I smiled back and said, "Thank you so much but I can do it. It is sweet of you to offer."

Her gaze fell to my large, pregnant belly, then rose again to my face. She smiled a doubtful smile and said, "O-Kay" as if she still wasn't sure I would be able to handle it but was resigned to it anyway.

I stopped loading the car and watched the group take stiff steps in their Easy Spirits up the hill to their car. I wondered who would unload all of their cases of soda for them.

As I finished, and took my buggy to the cart corral, I thought about how many able bodied young folks have passed me lately while I was loading groceries, flats of flowers, cans of paint or tile. I wonder if it occured to them to ask me if I needed help and they just didn't or if it didn't even cross their mind. Or how many times, I might not have noticed someone who needed my help.

There have been so many times this pregnancy that I have become frustrated about what my body couldn't do. I would almost curse it for not being able to climb those extra steps, or load that mulch, or carry bins of clothes to the attic. I have had a glimpse of what it might be like when I get a little older and have to concede to my limitations and ask for help even when I don't want to.

I hope that when I age a score of years or two, that I will still feel like helping pregnant ladies load up their groceries. I hope I will have 4 friends who will help me find my car. I wonder if I will develop a need for large amounts of Dr. Pepper?

But for now, I will be on the look out for people who need me. Despite my lack of muscle power, they probably have some other need I can fill. Maybe you could keep an eye open too.

Dinah Update

For those of you thinking, "Hasn't she had that kid yet?" No, I haven't. Most random strangers I meet are thinking and SAYING the same thing. Apparently, there are a great deal of amateur OB specialists in the area. For example, just today, I have been notified by 5 of these kind people in places like: the AT&T store, the Wonder Bread store, and Rib Shack that I am "never gonna make it another month". I was asked by a group of EMT's to please eat across the street because they needed to be able to eat their lunch without worrying I would go into labor.

Well, today I took it better than most days, and laughed along with them. I am rather large but my due date is still May 30th. I did have a sonogram yesterday that said that Dinah was measuring a couple of weeks ahead of schedule. She has a big head like her daddy and a big thigh like her momma. It was reassuring to know that if she did come early (as so many have predicted) low birth weight will probably not be an issue.

I am feeling pretty good these days. I am so glad for all the prayers that were lifted up on my behalf a few weeks ago when I was feeling AWFUL all of the time. I still tire easily and can't wait for that "nesting" thing to kick in. It will be so great to WANT to do all of the things I HAVE to do.

We are in the middle of redoing our house so little Dinah will not have to sleep in a dresser drawer so my pregnancy has been at the bottom of my trouble list. I have lately survived a few minor disasters and will have to save those stories for another blog post. Future titles include, "What It Is Like for a Family of Five to Sleep on the Living Room Floor for a Week" and "How I Avoided a Divorce on the Grounds of Irreconcilable Differences i.e. House Remodel".

I just wanted to let those of you who have kindly asked that she is doing well and hopefully we will have a delivery in the next month. For now, until I can walk on my kitchen floor, I have asked her to stay put. Maybe she will be like her mother and be a loving, compliant child.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers in the coming days.

When Spring Comes Again

I love to see the daffodils blooming. It seems to be the first sign that spring will make its appearance. As a girl, we were allowed to pick all of the daffodils we wanted because there were so many of them in the fields around where we lived. We would fill any container we could find with the flowers and decorate our home. Their bright yellow would light up any room. Now that I am older, I don’t pick them as much, I just enjoy the fact that they bring color to the bleak, brown landscape from the long winter months.


This year the blooms have emerged in March. A couple of years ago, due to an unusual warm spell they were out in February. The day of my son’s funeral was overcast, cold, and misty. As we drove to the cemetery, I noticed the daffodils lined the roadway. It felt good to see them, but I wondered at them being out on a day like that.

In the coming months, one of songs I listened to the most was “Worship in the Waiting” by FFH. The chorus to the song is this:


I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK WITH THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING



Those days I walked a lot outside and listened to music. I was able to watch spring come into its full glory. The dead leaves and broken branches were replaced with bits of green and dogwood blooms. Wisteria, tulips, azaleas and daffodils graced the scenery beautifully. God used His gorgeous earth to show me He loved me. Each blossom whispered comfort. Even though I was walking through a winter in my life, spring would come again. The ground, so frozen and hard, was not dead. It held life beneath it and with time and God’s help; I would bloom again as well.

So daffodils have become my own personal rainbow and I don’t mind sharing it with you. No matter what difficulty you are enduring in the present, nothing on this earth lasts forever. It will pass. He may not change your circumstance but He can change you in it. So even when you feel you can’t, worship Him and don’t grow bitter. Lean on Him and grow in wisdom. Then someday, when spring has come again, you will be able to look back and see how far He has brought you.



I’ve seen the red sea part, I’ve seen the mountains move
But now it seems so dark, I can’t even feel you
If you chose to be silent I’ll be silent too
I will worship in the waiting, quiet before you
Until your voice like manna from the sky falls

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK WITH THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

I’ve seen the blooms of spring, new life in everything
But now it seems so grey, bright colors fade away
This winter seems much longer and colder than before
But I will worship in the waiting, expecting something more
Until the sun shines warm upon my face again

He Leadeth me He leadeth me
By his own hand He leadeth me
His faithful follower I would be
For by his hand He leadeth me

Love Fest

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. All different kinds, but mostly the kind of love Jesus commanded us to have for one another. Over a year ago, I was really burdened by the “Love Chapter”. Yes, the verses I grew up seeing in cross-stitch on the wall, the verses I had heard so many times and thought were beautiful, made me sad. I knew I had not been living those words.


Not just in that chapter, but in many, many verses, God commands us to love one another.

“Love your enemies…” Matthew 5:44

“Love your neighbor as yourself”- Matthew 22:39

“You yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.” I Thessalonians 4:9

“Above all things have fervent love for one another” I Peter 4:1-8

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I go around hating people. I generally get along with people. I like to do things for people who need things. I try to be kind to others even when they aren’t so nice to me. But I had to ask myself, “Do you love others like He wants you to?” The answer was plainly no. It is awful to see flaws so clearly. And as I read in I Corinthians 13, it doesn’t matter what good I do, even with the best intentions, if I don’t love the ones I am doing it for.

I began to pray and ask God to help me love people. Even the ones that don’t deserve it, the ones I don’t want to love, the ones that need it. I put I Corinthians 13:1-3 on my refrigerator and told God “Send the Love!” Did a love fest ensue? No, not really. I became aware of what I needed to be feeling and thought about it a lot. I kept on loving the people it was easy to love, but with the awareness, brought more prayer and conscious effort. I didn’t want to have to TRY to love people though; I wanted it to flow out of me.

Recently, Bro. Dennis Smith has been talking about love too and teaching about what God has to say about it through His Word. One night he was teaching from the “Love Chapter” and told us to take I Corinthians 13:4-8, the portion of the chapter where God explains what love is, and to replace the word “Love” with “Jesus”. Jesus is love.

JESUS is patient, JESUS is kind. JESUS does not envy….

Then, because our goal should be to emulate Jesus in every way, Bro. Dennis told us to put our own name in the place of “Jesus”.

….Anna does not boast, Anna is not proud, Anna is not rude, Anna is not self-seeking…

Then at the beginning and end of each day we were to think of being what LOVE is and then evaluate the outcome.

Okay, basically, I STINK at loving.

Even though my actions might be right some of the time, my heart is often far behind. I am not even loving my family and friends properly. I thought they were the easy ones! But, instead of giving up, I am trying to see my mistakes, ask forgiveness, and am seeking to do better next time.

Most of you know I am a nurse. Nearly all of the patients I take care of are a joy to be with. But…sometimes…those challenging situations come along. I usually start with a good attitude but by the end of my shift, my good intentions have gone down the drain. While I feel I am never rude to my patients, I don’t always think the nicest thoughts.

Last night, I helped a fellow nurse and friend deal with a difficult situation. Her patient became very confused at bedtime. She did know who she was, where she was, or what day it was. She began to pick and pull at all of the lines and tubes that were in place to make her better. No amount of reorientation, explanation, or instruction did any good. My friend was exhausted from trying to keep the patient from harming herself. I was able to assist my friend in caring for her. After we had completed the necessary procedures at the time, I told my friend that I would stay with the patient while she took a much needed break. The patient had a one sided weakness, so I only had to take care of one hand to keep her from undoing her lines. We dimmed the lights, I held that hand, and sat with her. At first she pulled away, then, she began to squeeze my hand like it gave her comfort to have it there. After a few minutes of quiet, she dozed off to sleep.

For about 30 minutes, I held her hand, prayed for her, her nurse, and her doctors. At times my other hand rested on her chest to help me count her shallow breaths. But mostly, during that interval, I just loved her.

God allowed me, for a short while, to experience what I want to become all the time. That woman had done nothing to deserve my love. She had not endeared anyone by her actions or attitudes. I did not just care for her because it was my job, or because I felt sorry for her. I cared for her because I loved her, not just as myself, as but more than myself.

By God’s grace and power, this work in progress, has made a little progress. My plan is to keep at it, and maybe one day before I go to meet my Maker, I might one of the main participants in His love fest. Oh, that I might one day become so filled with His love, that it oozes from my pores for all to see and give honor to Him!

But until that day, I will be repeating over and over,



“Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,

It is not proud. It is not rude,

It is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil;

But rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

Always hopes, always preserves.

Love never fails.”

I Corinthians 13:4-8a

Hankerchiefs and Tears

This morning I put on a jacket and put my hands in the pockets and
pulled out a wrinkled ball of white linen. It was one of the hankerchiefs
I am forever misplacing. I know that it is a bit old-fashioned but I
like to use handerchiefs instead of tissues (unless I have a cold). I have
always been one easily moved to tears, so it is almost necessary to
keep one on hand unless I want to be dripping all over my sleeves.

This morning as I smoothed and refolded the cloth, I thought of my
second son, Jack. I realized I had not worn this jacket since a few
months after his birth. It isn't quite maternity but it is larger than I
usually wear so that is why I was wearing it then and why I am
wearing it today. I was still crying quite a lot those days. A thought,
a kind word, or a mother and child, would trigger a flood.

This month, on the 19th, my Jack would have been 2 years old.
The first year moved by so slowly but this second year has flown by.
Today, as I reflect on where I was then and the place I am in now, I
am so thankful. It took me a good 6 months to be able to even walk
by the baby department at the store, much less go into that section
and buy something. But, by and by, when it was required, as with
each step I had to take, God supplied the strength to do it.

Today, I go to visit my OB to check on the little one growing inside me.
She likes to move around a lot. Which is such a blessing because I
can not help each time she somersaults inside me but think of the one
who was perfectly still. Each kick and turn reminds me she is okay.

Lots of people who talk to me ask me, "How many is this now?",
referring to how many children we have. I always say five. Then,
"When is this one due?" I reply, "May."  The next question is
almost inevitably, "How old are they?" I then go down the
line: Ty (10), Tess (8), Amelia (4), and Jack who would have
been two this month. The reactions I receive vary. The ones I
have a hard time with are the ones who say, "So this will be the
4th, then", as if they need to correct my math. Or, the ones that are
so uncomfortable with me talking about him, that they change the
subject or end our conversation abruptly.

I understand there are people who don't want to talk about the
children they don't have here on earth anymore. I wouldn't
judge what is private or painful enough that they don't
or can't speak of it. But I am okay with it. I think of Jack daily
and he isn't less my child, just because he isn't with me here on
earth. The child I carry is my 5th child and I
will continue to refer to her as such. I hope that you won't be
made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable with me. I hope that
you will feel the joy I have about being blessed with 5 children,
living here or in heaven. And if I cry a little, and have to pull out
my hankerchief, don't feel bad, just know that you were a part of
an intimate moment of memory for me. This is not a reproach, just
a gentle reminder to take the cue of the one you are speaking with.

God is using my openness to help others who have been in
similar circumstances. I won't ever be ashamed of sharing my
feelings if it assists others as they wade through their pain.
I am so grateful that as his birthday approaches that I am not in
the depths of despair, but I am also thankful that I am able to think
of him, remember, and have a heart tender enough to shed a few tears.

Are You Getting Excited?

THE OLYMPICS WILL BE HERE IN ONLY 9 MORE DAYS!!!

For as long as I can remember, I've loved the Olympics. Winter or
Summer, I don't care. It is all fabulous. But since it is winter, lets talk
about those.

I remember sitting cross-legged in front of the TV in awe of how
beautiful the ice skaters were. Despite never seeing any ice except
in the freezer, and on the rare occasion the pond in the backyard
froze over in an ice storm, this Mississippi girl dreamed of gliding,
smiling, jumping, and spinning someday for these United States
of America. It was difficult practicing my routines in my tennis shoes on
grass but that didn't stop me. You should have seen how well the Janzen
kids could bobsled in a laundry basket on the the living room floor.
Four of us-just the right number. What a team!

Speed skating, skiing, curling, luge--I watch them all with wonder. To not
be much of a sportswoman myself, I sure do appreciate their athleticism.
If I only had one tenth their drive and discipline, oh, what I would achieve!

I think another reason I like the Olympics is that I associate it with family.
We always watched it together. There weren't any other TVs, gaming
systems, or iPods to call us away. There were hardly any other channels
for that matter. They were an event to look forward to together. So
now, even though my children have plenty of other options, I force them
to enjoy the events with me. Maybe they will look back and have a
few fond memories also.

I have been a weekend nurse for almost 5 years now so I have missed
the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympics the last two times.
This year it will all be different. We have a DVR!!! I will be able to
record every moment!

So, gather up your red, white, and blue and get ready to cheer.

USA! USA! USA!

Big Announcement

This evening we announced to the children that the new baby's
name would be Dinah.

These are the statements I received in reply:



"D-I-N-A-H?!?! Are you serious?"

"Is that even a real name?"

"Is that a boy's name?"

"I thought the baby's name was Georgia Sparkles!"

"At school we have a soup named Dyna." To this I replied,
"What?" Tess said, "Yeah, its so hot. Like dynamite. We call
it Dyna. Do you really want to name the baby after a soup?"

"DINAH! I'm just not so sure about this mom."

"I think I'm going to throw up."



I really like the name. Eric does too. This is a milestone in our
baby naming. We usually name our babies in the hospital because
we can never agree on a name until then. I was so proud of it until
I was shot down by 3 well-meaning children. I just don't feel
God leading us to"Georgia Sparkes".

I think that, despite the bad feedback in the polls, we are going to
stick to that name. We are working on the baby's second name.
That may end up being a hospital thing.

The baby is thriving. She is an active little girl. All of her sonogram
pictures looked great. Thanks for praying for us. Please continue
to do so.

Love,
Anna

P.S. I hope her name doesn't make you want to throw up.