Lancaster Prayer Request

I am coming once again to ask you to pray for me. I am so grateful to have you dear people in my life, people who do not mind listening to me and going to God on my behalf. If you would, could you take a minute and read what has poured from my heart and mind to this page and then give the time you feel led to give?

I am still here waiting on Dinah to arrive. Dr. Young will induce labor on Friday, May 21st, if I do not go into labor on my own before that day. Because that is less than a week away, I guess I finally realize that I will not be pregnant forever. As most of you know because I shared in the beginning, this pregnancy has been like none other of mine, filled with questions, uncertainties, and difficulties. When I asked God for another baby, I had no idea how He would use it to heal hurts I didn’t know I had, how He would lead me to a deeper level of trust, and teach me things I don’t think I would have learned any other way. We have now made it to the home stretch and she gives us no sign of being anything other than a strong, healthy, little girl. I praise God for carrying me this far because I could not have walked or crawled here on my own.

With nothing other than good news, why would I need to ask you to pray in any other way than praise? A few days ago, I began to cry. It came from nowhere. I was alone in my room and had begun to think about going to the hospital to deliver. Sobs racked my body and I began to shake. Fear seemed to consume my being. My mind was a series of flashes, with mental pictures of our last delivery lined up against visions of what might come. How can we do this? We have to go back to the same place and be in a room that will probably look just like the one we delivered in last time. I don’t want her delivery to be plagued by my sadness. I want only joy in that room and I don’t know how that can happen.

I would say that I don’t fear that anything is wrong or that she might die too, but as I looked back over the previous days, I think that it is there despite evidence to the contrary. I have not begun to prepare for her arrival like I normally would. After my kind friends at work gave us a baby shower, I took the clothes home and left them in their bags. I had to make myself take the tags off and wash them. As I folded them I remembered sitting in a chair in the living room folding Jack’s things and ooh-ing and ahh-ing over them with the children. I folded Dinah’s clothes with trembling fingers and tears in my eyes.

And there, in my room, as I cried as I only had a few times in my life, I did as I always do and had an argument with myself. I tried to reason what I knew against what I felt. The God, who sent His Holy Spirit to the room where I delivered my stillborn son, can certainly send Him to this delivery room. He, who gave me peace instead of hysteria, can give me the same this time. He, who would send the song “How Great is Our God” to my lips as we held his lifeless body, would give me a new song for this baby. As I asked, “How?”, He replied, “in ME.”

So after I could get myself together and spent the next twelve hours struggling with this, I have calmed and am feeling better. Even as I write, Dinah kicks so hard against me, my whole body moves. But even though I do not doubt God, I do doubt myself. So I am asking that you would pray that this new calm would stay with me. I ask that you pray that I my actions and feelings would reflect the trust that I say I have.

Would you pray for my doctor, Dr. Young, and the nurses that have me when we deliver? As a healthcare worker, I know that it is sometimes difficult to care for special situations. Would you pray for Eric as he stands by my side? Would you pray for Ty, Tess, and Amelia? Would you pray for Dinah?

Would you pray against the fear that has no place in my heart or in that room? Would you tell the Evil One that he is not welcome here?

I don’t want false reassurances that “everything will be alright”, because it might not be. Eric and I have met no quota on pain. But I do need to have the assurance that whatever happens, God will bring us through it as He has before. Thank you in advance for spending time lifting our family up to Him. When this time has passed, we will be able to praise Him together and give Him the glory for what He has done.

Again God has given me a song for this walk and it is one I didn’t expect. I have not sung it in church since my teen years, but I sang it so much in my childhood, its words are forever on my heart.


Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain:

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

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Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

New International Version (NIV)
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