New Beginnings

I have been tardy in saying my thank you for all of the gifts of thoughts, prayer, and messages surrounding our sweet Dinah’s birth. They all meant so much to us and helped us through a difficult situation. I feel as if I have been on a journey, One that began when I started praying for another child a couple of years ago and came to an end when I held her in my arms. Now is a new beginning.

With each of my infant children, as I have held their tiny bodies in the middle of the night, there was a time when I became overcome with a feeling of sheer panic. This is the usual pattern of my racing thoughts:

“This small thing depends on us. For EVERYTHING! They are going to learn how to act from me! I need time to change! I am not good enough to be in charge of a life! There are so many horrible things in this world. How are we going to protect them from them all? If I think it is bad now, what is it going to be like when they grow up? I can’t get them to brush their teeth twice a day. How am I going to get them to be good citizens? ”

Usually, after I give God an earful of mental ranting, He sends pieces of His word to my mind, calming me and assuring me that He has it covered. I don’t have to be perfect to have a baby or raise children. If we did, we would be extinct. He says like, “I love them too,” and “You don’t have to do this by yourself. I need you to ask me” and simply, “trust me”.

If we all thought about it a whole lot, why would anyone want to bring a child into a world that has nuclear weapons, Jihad, and people like James Van der Sloot? A world where God is slowly being inched out? Fear could keep us from enjoying one of God’s greatest blessings. But, I think that this overwhelming sense of urgency has its purpose. I do not think God wants me to be afraid. I think He wants this feeling to inspire action.

I guess people looking at our family from the outside would say that if we didn’t have a great Christian home, we would at least have a pretty good one compared to the next family. But no matter if what they observe is true, if I compare our lives to the one outlined for me in God’s word, we fall desperately short.

How did this happen? I have good intentions, but sadly, I am pretty lazy. It is easy to skip the Bible lesson at home because I took them to church that morning. We are pretty tired and need to get the kids to bed as soon as possible for us to get some quiet time, so let’s skip family prayer tonight. Then, it just slides away all together. I get so caught up in trying to get them to quit fighting with one another, I just tell them to do it because I told them so. I neglect to show them the scripture about why they shouldn’t do it. They yell at one another because I yell at them. I haven’t practiced love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and least of all self-control. How will they ever learn these precepts if I can’t learn them?

So, I see the problems. I realize where we fall short. Now, we resolve to begin again. Hopefully and prayerfully, we’ll do better this time than the last. I love church and bible class, but they are not solely responsible for our children’s biblical education, that’s our job. Outside the church, in our home, at school and at play, is where we can show them where what we say we believe is true. God is relevant. His word is true and applicable to us. Prayer is necessary. Without Him we are nothing.

I don’t want my children to grow up thinking God was an optional, recreational activity. I want them to love Him, need Him, serve Him, and honor Him all the days of their lives. If He is woven in their fabric they can shed Him off as if He was a covering. He will be a part of them, never to be torn away.

My favorite moment in the book, Little Women, is where Jo asks Marmee if she has plans for her daughters like other mothers do. Marmee says,

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good; to be admired, loved and respected; to have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married, and to lead useful, pleasant lives, with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”

She goes on to say,

“My dear girls, I am ambitious for you, but not to have you make a dash in the world—marry rich men merely because they are rich, or have splendid houses, which are not homes because love is wanting. Money is a needful and precious thing—and, when well used, a noble thing—but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I’d rather see you poor men’s wives, if you were happy, beloved contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace.”

I have always loved it because even though those around them sought wealth and prominence, Marmee was teaching them that it was worthless without love and peace.

I have hopes for my children too. So, in a world that values profit above people, self above others, what feels good over what is right, I earnestly want to teach my children differently. I want Jesus to be their hero.

Thank you, God, for new beginnings.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them….” Psalm 127:3-5a