My Box

When I was small, my mother says she would put me in a cardboard box with some toys and I would play in it for hours. I have seen pictures of this. In one I am thinking of, I look like I am around 2 years old. I was big enough and old enough that I didn't have to be corralled. I could have climbed out. But I still played in a box. I was happy there. I wanted to be squeezed up tight with the things I liked around me.


When my mom talks about this, it really doesn't surprise me. When I became too big for the literal cardboard boxes, I sat in figurative ones. I was painfully shy. The only place I really wanted to be was at home. I only felt comfortable with my parents, my sisters and my brother.

A nervous, worrisome nature has followed me into adulthood. A lack of self-confidence plagues me. I wring my hands at the thought of meeting strangers. I am never comfortable speaking in front of others. Nothing outside of my box comes easily to me.

So how does a quaking, anxious woman leave her husband, her children, and her home, get on a plane, travel with a group of people she barely knows, go to a country that is so different from her own, to minister to a group of orphan children? And how do you explain the miracle that she did all of it with peace in her heart and with hardly a moment's worry the whole time?

There is only one answer. It was all God. You see, ever since I was a small child, the Lord has used this weakness in me to help me depend on Him. On my own, I am scared, lonely, and defeated. But with Him, I can do all things. I am never alone. Paul talks about his "thorn in the flesh" in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. We don't know what that "thorn" was, but we know that Paul asked God to take it away from him. But God chose not to. The Lord replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Paul decided to gladly "boast of his infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on" him.

Think about your box. Is He asking you to step outside of it? You may not have trouble with speaking publicly. It may be harder for you to have a personal, one-on-one conversation with someone you love. You may not have any trouble hopping on a plane and going to far off places. It may be more difficult for you to go to a different side of Corinth, where the people aren't just like you. You could find yourself more comfortable doing for the Lord when He is calling you to sit at His feet instead. Maybe you are boxed in financially. These boxes of comfort take on many shapes, sizes, and names. I pray that you can find a way to tear down the sides of it and expand your world. Allow God to work with your weaknesses so that He may be glorified. Let the power of Christ rest on you.

On my own, I could have found 101 reasons not to go to India. But my desire to serve Him, the desire to answer His call, compels me to leave my comfort zone. It is a nice, warm, and friendly place, but if I never left, I would not know the peace and joy I have when I say, "I place the unknown, my fears, my inadequacies, and my excuses at Your feet, Lord, and I will follow you."

We give all glory, honor, and praise to His name.

Love,

Anna